It would be well hung anywhere

FROM MY CORNER ... with Ann Brunswick

Your favourite correspondent is blushing with pride at the moment with the news that she might be the subject of a “Chloe” type portrait to be hung in a suitable licensed premises somewhere deep inside this paper’s distribution area.

Visitors to Melbourne’s Young and Jackson Hotel have probably gazed over the beautifully naked Cloe who adorns an upstairs room in that establishment. Well, it now appears that a push is on to have a similar portrait, of yours truly, arguably this world city’s most loved newspaper columnist, commissioned to adorn a licensed premises somewhere close to where I transact most of my business these days.
I’m not sure where this might be, but by george I think it’s a right royal idea if it goes ahead. And may I add it would be an astute business move by any licensee involved, because I think I can say with a degree of immodesty that seeing I am such a well-loved figure in these parts, any bar made famous by having a painting of moi in it would certainly see it quickly filled by thirsty punters keen for a peek and a pint.
And just to show how seriously this project is being taken, I’m led to believe that a famous local artist Sandy Herberte, who has works hanging in some of the finest galleries here and abroad, has offered to do the portrait for this very sensible project for free!
I’ve met Mr Herberte a number of times in the exercise of my duties and he’s a very nice chap indeed. In fact, I’ve always been very comfortable in his presence, and I would have no qualms at all sitting nude for this portrait, as long as it was done tastefully and with the best possible lighting, of course. All I would ask is that Mr Herberte share in the spirt of the occasion by executing the painting in the nude himself.

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Perhaps someone at one of our major universities could undertake some research to confirm my theory about people who use mobile phones while walking. You see for some time now it has been my belief that some, indeed a lot of, people can’t walk and talk at the same time.

Otherwise, why would those who use mobiles while walking invariably seem to find it impossible to get out of the way of other pedestrians, ie: me, while finding it all too easy to get in the way? Also, why would people dialling or texting on their phones while walking have the same problem?
It seems that any use of a mobile phone transports some people into another dimension in which nobody else seems to exist. These thoughts crossed my mind on the weekend while sipping coffee at a girls’ catch-up morning at a near-city footpath bistro. Our footpath table was near a pedestrian crossing that happened to be one of the few remaining zebra crossings left in captivity in our metropolis.
But don’t get me started on the way the Brisbane City Council has culled our zebra crossings in its ongoing efforts to bend over backwards to make sure cars have absolute right of way at all times.
Now, back to that particular zebra crossing. During our girls’ giggle morning my view happened to be across the table to the zebra crossing. One person, a young man, nearly didn’t make it across. He was texting or dialling on his mobile phone while walking along the footpath and simply kept walking onto the zebra crossing without looking.
Such was his pace that a car approaching the crossing had no time to slow down or stop as he began to cross, still without taking his eyes off his phone.
Only when the car had narrowly missed him did he look up and take note of his surrounds and, no doubt, how he had just missed out on a trip to hospital.