Star Signs with Horace Cope

CAPRICORN (Dec 23 to Jan 20)
Rather than build new ones, you figure that whenever the state's south-east dams look like drying up in future, wouldn't it be cheaper just to organise a Woodford Folk Festival for the following weekend?

AQUARIUS (Jan 21 to Feb 19)
It makes your day when you see a car bumper sticker that says: "Is it true ....or did you read it in The Courier-Mail?"

PISCES (Feb 20 to Mar 20)
Having scratched off a Crosswords instant scratchie ticket that came oh so close to being a big winner, you rush back to your local newsagency and ask whether it's possible to buy an extra vowel.

ARIES (Mar 21 to Apr 20)
You hear somewhere that Campbell Newman has trouble sleeping at night because he tosses and turns with the worry that there's perhaps one car space left out there within a 10km radius of the city that he's forgotten to stick a parking meter on.

TAURUS (Apr 21 to May 20)
Following the collapse of talks in Copehhagen, you single-handedly save the plant by inventing a McDonald's paper serviette dispenser that only releases one at a time.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 21)
You wonder if there's anyone else out there who doesn't know what the "7" in the soon-to-be-opened Clem7 tunnel stands for?

CANCER (June 22 to July 23)
One way is going to cost a $7 toll?

LEO (July 24 to Aug 23)
There are seven entrances?

VIRGO (Aug 24 to Sept 23)
Or seven exists?

LIBRA (Sept 24 to Oct 23)
It goes for seven kilometres?

SCORPIO (Oct 24 to Nov 22)
It's on average 7 metres underground?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23 to Dec 22)
Or was it just a way for the people at The Independent to pad out these really silly and totally unbelievable starsigns?