STAR SIGNS .. with Horace Cope

PISCES (Feb 20 to Mar 20)
You are aghast to discover some so-called friends have posted a string of anecdotes about your outrageous drinking exploits on the social networking site, Offyourfacebook.

ARIES (Mar 21 to Apr 20)
A sudden power blackout has you and your partner looking at your own reflections in your TV screen while watching an episode of The Biggest Loser: Couples.

TAURUS (Apr 21 to May 20)
You and your spouse are rushed to hospital in an awful tangle after foolishly trying to spice up your sex life by attempting a juxtaposition.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 21)
You hadn’t realised just how on the nose Kevin Rudd was until you read the news pages of a couple of editions of The Australian.

CANCER (June 22 to July 23)
It didn't work in the long run for Peter Beattie, so you wonder why Kevin Rudd is trying the media tart's old "I've been a naughty boy and deserve to be spanked really, really hard for a really, really long time" routine.

LEO (July 24 to Aug 23)
You wonder how Channel 9 can promote Top Gear as Australia's No 1 TV show when it hasn't started yet.

VIRGO (Aug 24 to Sept 23)
You go to your local library to see whether this week’s book written by James Patterson has come in yet.

LIBRA (Sept 24 to Oct 23)
You fully support Lord Mayor Campbell Newman's belief that through a mixture of climate change and the city's emergence via the Clem 7 tunnel opening as one of the world's truly exciting cosmopolitan centres, Brisbane one day will host the Winter Olympics.

SCORPIO (Oct 24 to Nov 22)
Your stable and happy home life is shattered after a surprise weekend visit by the team from Domestic Pitz.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23 to Dec 22)
Now that they have an extra digital channel to play with you can't help but notice how the free-to-air TV channels have jumped at the opportunity to promote oft-repeated shows with lines such as “First time on Seven2”.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23 to Jan 20)
On that note you are really grateful that federal communications minister Stephen Conroy gave the networks a $250 million cut in licence fees because it will allow them to invest in more cutting-edge shows like I Dream of Jeannie, The Flintstones and Bewitched.

AQUARIUS (Jan 21 to Feb 19)
It was a good idea for the BCC to throw an pen day and allow people to walk through the Clem7 tunnel, but you do think the council was being a bit tough by requiring you to carry an electronic toll tag.