Too many metres to meters

FROM MY CORNER ... with Ann Brunswick


This column has on several occasions criticised Brisbane’s new style of parking meters requiring users to key in their vehicle’s registration number. Last week it was my misfortune to use one at South Brisbane.

Driving a car borrowed from a work colleague, it took some time to find an on-street car park near my destination. But by then the time for my scheduled meeting was fast approaching, and my destination was at least an extra hundred metres away.
A walk of about 30 metres from the car took me to the ticket machine, which brings me to another of my regular gripes. Just why does the Brisbane City Council install so few ticketing machines, causing motorists to walk long distances to hunt them down? But back to my more current complaint.
Having reached the ticketing machine I discovered it was the new type requiring my rego number before it would print a ticket for me to place on my dashboard. But, having driven a borrowed car, its rego number was totally unknown to me. Well by then my patience had been exhausted so a random three letters and three numbers were entered and the machine spat out my ticket. The process meant two trips of about 30 metres each, or a total of 60 metres before starting to walk to my meeting.
The alternative of returning to the car to read its rego number would have involved four trips of 30 metres, or 120 metres in total. In any event, running back and forth in my specially made high-heel Blundstones is torture, take it from me. As it was it was touch and go but I made it to my meeting right on time. That would not have happened if it had been necessary for me to double back and check the car’s registration number.
In addition, there would have been time to spare if the BCC would install more ticket machines so motorists did not have walk so far for the privilege of paying the council lots of money.

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A friend who works in the CBD is constantly puzzled by the number of ambulances that need to slowly snake their way through afternoon peak-hour traffic.

From her vantage point in a low-rise office block near Central Station, she regularly hears the wail of an approaching ambulance’s siren. According to her, on average at least one ambulance a day needs to head into the CBD past her office building after, she presumes, leaving its base at Boundary Street in Spring Hill.
What could be precious seconds are lost as ambulances must slow to a crawl while bumper-to-bumper traffic inches out of its way. Unlike fire brigade trucks which seems to have their sirens blaring even when heading to known false alarms, an ambulance siren usually indicates a real emergency.
So, my friend argues, why hasn’t some highly paid genius in our emergency services bureaucracy thought of stationing at least one or possibly more ambulances in the middle of the CBD at peak hour? They could easily sit at the head of a taxi rank or in some designated parking bay at strategic points around the city, ready for action.

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The tied result of last Saturday’s AFL Grand Final surely points a need to overhaul the game’s rules. Maybe we should consider the example set by the outcome of our recent federal election. My suggested new rule would have been invoked late in the fourth quarter when a draw was inevitable.

At that time Collingwood and St Kilda would have been allowed time out to vie for the support of three independent players who could join their team and play out the quarter until the final siren blew. Of course given that each quarter of an AFL game runs for only 20 minutes, there would need to be a ban on any of the independent players giving a 17-minute justification of their decision to play for one team or the other.

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As a fit, youngish thing, I’m all in favour of the CityCycle bike hire scheme that starts on Friday. I really do wish it well. Might even sign up as a subscriber myself, because many of the streets within the scheme’s reach are where I conduct much of my own work.

But I do worry about its likely success. The City Council in its literature makes it clear that the scheme is not designed for tourists. I would have thought that market might have been integral to its success but I suspect council took that line because most of our tourists come from countries where helmets are not compulsory. And the thought of having to deal with brain-damaged OS visitors made it simpler just to say: Non, nyet, no-way José – this is not for you.
Another group that I thought could make the scheme viable are suburban families. Wouldn’t happen often, for sure, but the idea of mum, dad and the kids coming in from the burbs, parking at New Farm and zipping around for the day as a novelty treat would keep the coffers ticking over. But no ... council makes it clear it’s not for recreational use either.
One of the council’s early leaflets gave as a typical user of the scheme a business person who would leave his or her New Farm abode, grab a bike and pedal their way up into the city for a meeting. Sounds okay, in theory. Once you are a subscriber, there’d be no charge if you dock your bike up in the CBD within 30 minutes; no charge when you grab a fresh bike later on and return to home in the same time.
But can I just say this: the thought of a business type doing that at any time stretches credibility a tad; doing it during Brisbane’s many months of hot weather beggars belief.
So we are left to ponder just who will avail themselves of the scheme? Who is going to help recover the many millions of ratepayers’ dollars that have already been outlayed just to get the project to its start date? Who is going to make it a profitable project, week in and week out?
So can I make a bold prediction here? If the scheme is going to rely on inner-city folk using the bikes to go about their business, I’m tipping the overseas firm that has won the right to run the scheme will be going cap in hand to council much earlier than later, asking for a much sweeter set of conditions in the contract to make it work.