Star signs .... with Horace Cope

CAPRICORN (Dec 23 to Jan 20)
You have this sneaky feeling that before too much longer, the names of some of our property insurers around town are going to be, er, well ... mud!

AQUARIUS (Jan 21 to Feb 19)
You start a website offering odds on when Brisbane’s much-loved floating riverwalk will be rebuilt, and you are quite relaxed about offering 100 to 1 for any year this decade.

PISCES (Feb 20 to Mar 20)
Your reputation as a lucky person is enhanced following your decision two weeks ago to buy a sizable share portfolio in the Acme Broom, Mop and Shovel Company of Australasia Pty Ltd.

ARIES (Mar 21 to Apr 20)
After listening to how the structure was universally described by the media during the coverage of the floods and the threat debris posed to it, you suspect the easiest way out might be for good old Sir Leo Hielscher to change his name by deed poll to Sir Gateway Bridge.

TAURUS (Apr 21 to May 20)
With three of the four TV channels devoting all their air time to the ongoing Brisbane flood emergency, you wonder if this is what is meant by the industry term “saturation coverage”.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 21)
Adopting methods used to measure water storage capacity in Queensland dams, you try to explain to your boss that a 44 per cent office attendance rate over recent weeks does in fact represent 100 per cent in real terms, and if in fact you had come in more than that, your attendance would have been at 145 per cent at the very least and he would have had to pay you much, much more.

CANCER (June 22 to July 23)
While some might condemn their stance, thank God for Channel 10’s decision to at least give us a choice between watching the unfolding tragedy and normal silly-season lifestyle and reality TV programs.

LEO (July 24 to Aug 23)
You only heard this second hand, mind, but Premier Anna Bligh was apparently heard in church last Sunday praying aloud that the La Nina effect would last until at least the next state election.

VIRGO (Aug 24 to Sept 23)
Across the pews Opposition Leader John-Paul Langbroek was doing much the same thing, except his exaltations were to the almighty god El Nino.

LIBRA (Sept 24 to Oct 23) You never realised the extent of panic buying at the height of the floods until you went past a new-car showroom last Thursday and saw dozens of people looking over the new Ford Falcon.

SCORPIO (Oct 24 to Nov 22)
You are still highly emotional after witnessing the dozens of selfless volunteers who poured into your house last weekend and worked feverishly to put all your household belongings on a pile out on the street – especially as you live in high-and-dry Carina Heights.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23 to Dec 22)
You gave all the pollies tops marks for listening politely and silently as George Negus interviewed himself for the Channel 10 news at the height of the floods and he explained at length and with enormous gravitas what he, in his humble opinion, believed they needed to do.