Tax leaving bad taste in mother’s mouth

It seems to me that our politicians often do not seem to recognise the fear and panic their words can generate in the wider community. The ongoing debate over the Federal Government’s proposed “carbon tax” is a case in point. The heated words exchanged between Labor, Greens and Coalition MPs on the issue are sufficient in themselves to melt the polar ice caps. Prime Minister Julia Gillard is always out there defending her move to “put a price on carbon” by imposing a cost per tonne on industrial emissions prior to a full-blown trading scheme. Opposition Leader Tony Abbott never wastes a chance to stage a daily visit to some factory or other place of employment – no matter how big or small – to warn of mass sackings, huge prices rises as well as floods, fires and pestilence after July 1 when the fixed emissions pricing starts. The effectiveness of his campaign was brought home to me during a visit to my elderly mother. For many years she has had quite a taste for Irish whiskey. In fact she has been a fan for as long as I can remember. On my most recent visit to her she told me how the carbon tax was likely to put an end to her enjoyment of her favourite tipple. S he is very particular and consumes only imported Michael Collins Irish Whiskey, usually many times a day, starting with a quick nip for breakfast and late at night she can often be found fast asleep in her pyjamas in front of the TV with a few empty bottles of the stuff scattered around her feet. Some years ago I enquired if her devotion to that particular brand was her way of saluting the late Irish revolutionary leader of the same name. That would be such a romantic notion, I suggested. But no, she explained she consumed only that brand as a way of remembering a fling she had with US astronaut Mike Collins almost 50 years ago. On my most recent visit to her she yet again told me the tale of how she came to take a shine to Mr Collins who, you may remember, was one of the three astronauts in the crew of the Apollo 11 mission – the first to land a man on the moon. While his two buddies, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, cavorted on the lunar surface, Mr Collins orbited the moon by himself in the Apollo 11 command module. My mother explained (yet again) that she happened to be in Sydney at the time the three astronauts made a hectic promotional visit to Sydney in November 1969 and found a way to sneak into their hotel. There in an upstairs corridor she spied the famous trio in what she took to be their space suits and – in her words – urged them all to perform their own docking manoeuvre with her in a nearby linen storeroom. They eagerly took up her offer and – again, as she tells the story – it was only after all three had splashed down that she discovered the men had not been wearing space suits but were in fact painters in overalls undertaking a renovation project for the hotel. Undeterred, she scampered to a few other floors before bumping into Mr Collins in his pyjamas who was placing a room-service dinner tray onto the hallway floor outside his room. Mr Collins, she recalled, took her into his room and at her suggestion took her on a ride on his rocket into orbit and then performed a series of re-entries. Yes, that’s all very well, but what on earth – or the moon – has that got to do with the carbon tax, I inquired of her. Well, it seems she was very distressed about the impact the tax is going to have on her whiskey consumption. You see, she has always enjoyed a glass of whiskey and soda and for many years has used an old soda syphon to top up a glass of the good stuff. You know the type, it’s one that uses the little bulbs of carbon-dioxide to carbonate the water. Hers in decades old now, quite retro – a collectable in fact. In recent years, to prevent spillage if she falls asleep while imbibing, my mother has taken to mixing her Michael Collins and water in the soda syphon and squirting the mixture directly into her mouth. But apparently all that comes to an end from July 1 because, she said, Mr Abbott says anything remotely connected to carbon-dioxide will be taxed out of existence. Not only that, she said, Ms Gillard and The Greens were constantly telling her how bad carbon-dioxide was our environment. So I departed, unable to convince her that she might have just misinterpreted Mr Abbott’s claims and that our PM and environmental advocates may not really classify her as a big polluter. All that was to no effect and as I left she was hurriedly pouring copious amounts of Michael Collins and a few drops of water into her soda syphon, determined to use up all her gas bulbs before midnight June 30. As I said at the beginning, I do wish our pollies would choose their words more carefully.