Star signs ... with Horace Cope

AQUARIUS (Jan 21 to Feb 19)
You reckon the Oscars ceremony on TV has always been far too long and boring enough, without presenters now having twice as many "best picture" nominations to announce and show scenes from.

PISCES (Feb 20 to Mar 20)
You wonder aloud if you're the only person in the world not currently reading one of Stieg Larsson's Millennium trilogy.

ARIES (Mar 21 to Apr 20)
Having foolishly thought that your family loved you, you are still brooding months later over their Xmas gift to you: the complete DVD set of the Saw movie franchise.

TAURUS (Apr 21 to May 20)
You cleverly trademark the phrases "Five-5" and "Two-2" just in case that's the future of international cricket.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 21)
You're still waiting for a response from the International Cricket Council to your written suggestion that the best way to safeguard the future of Test cricket is to make it tipsy-run.

CANCER (June 22 to July 23)
Gosh, you're happy that the footie season is just around the corner. No, you really are. Can hardly wait. It's going to be grate.

LEO (July 24 to Aug 23)
You wonder how many Grammy awards Taylor Swift could have won if her music was any good.

VIRGO (Aug 24 to Sept 23)
Or if she could sing, for that matter.

LIBRA (Sept 24 to Oct 23)
You wonder if you're the only person around who thinks that car insurance ad on TV where the bloke sings "what about me?" makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

SCORPIO (Oct 24 to Nov 22)
Vowing to devote more time each weekend to keeping up with local, interstate and world news, you cancel your subscription to The Sunday Mail.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23 to Dec 22)
You rewrite your will after your family presents you with DVDs of the two Saw movies made since Christmas.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23 to Jan 20)
You find yourself visiting luxury-car showrooms after convincing your family that there'll be no Ekka this year because the entire RNA showgrounds have been sold off for residential development.