STAR SIGNS

With HORACE COPE

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23 to Dec 22)
You hear that Oprah’s TV fans had their first really big surprise of their Down Under odyssey when both Qantas flights from Los Angeles landed without incident.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23 to Jan 20)
You’re honoured for sure, but your callup by the national selectors to play in the Perth Test comes as quite a surprise seeing you’ve only ever played French cricket – and that was in the state school playground 30 years ago.

AQUARIUS (Jan 21 to Feb 19)
You are not at all surprised to hear the Channel 9 newsreader Bruce Paige has been rushed to hospital with exhaustion after being forced to read the 6pm news over summer all by himself.

PISCES (Feb 20 to Mar 20)
And when WorkPlace Health and Safety comes a’calling, station executives won’t have a leg to stand on. I mean, really, 20 minutes of news segment introductions and then a signoff without any backup whatsoever. What were they thinking! The poor pet. Hope he’s going to be okay.

ARIES (Mar 21 to Apr 20)
You are hurt by the lengthy and very loud gaffaws on the phoneline that follow your attempt to place a Centrebet wager on the reelection of the state Bligh Government.

TAURUS (Apr 21 to May 20)
Listening to the Gillard Government's demonisation of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange does make you wonder: if we wanted a reactionary rightwing government that always sucks up to the US bigtime, then maybe we should have elected the obvious one in the first place?

GEMINI (May 21 to June 21)
You find a way to save hundreds of dollars this Christmas by telling your kids Santa won't be coming because he has been working for Wikileaks during the rest of the year and is in hiding from the authorities.

CANCER (June 22 to July 23)
In an echo of the "cricket team" of 11 Labor Party MPs that survive the 1974 state election, you hear current ALP pollies are working out who is likely to be part of the tennis team after the 2012 poll.

LEO (July 24 to Aug 23)
You petition Lord Mayor Newman to keep the city Christmas tree up all year so there is at least some shade in King George Square.

VIRGO (Aug 24 to Sept 23
You are not at all surprised when officials erect a screen around the Wickham Street escalators leading up to the railway station and an expert using a high-powered rifle finally puts them out of their misery.

LIBRA (Sept 24 to Oct 23)
You wonder if other patrons were as surprised as you were the other day when the PA at Fortitude Railway Station actually announced a service before it had actually departed.

SCORPIO (Oct 24 to Nov 22)
Boy, have you got egg on your face after what you said about Mitchell Johnson under this star sign in the hardcopy version of this issue.